Matthew Knott

Motivation comes easily to me. It goes just as easily as well. I can remember projects dating back to the age of 10 or 12 that I've started and given up on very quickly.

Even back then, these were programming projects, writing silly little games on my ZX Spectrum that I'd show off proudly to my mother. I had a book of code for the spectrum that I'd plug away at for a few pages then get bored because you couldn't just run it periodically to see what was going on.

Aside from programming I've started writing about 20 novels, good ideas too, fascinating expansive ideas that people have found interesting when I described the premise. I was excited that they got excited about it, and I was so enthused so I'd plan and plan my story, characters, plot, ending, do hours of scientific research, and I'd start writing like a madman... for about 5 pages then I'd get bored, move on to something else.

Almost naively, I thought that when the baby came, then things would be different, I'd have something to hold my motivation, to anchor me to a project that would generate some significant revenue and allow us to move not just to any house but to somewhere really nice. I mean, people say they want the best for their kids, and I'm no different. I want to be able to give Michael everything, but not necessarily give him everything, I want him to understand the value of money. I want Lisa to be able to stay home all day and not worry about money and be able to relax.

The worst part about all of this is that I have the ideas and the skills to turn those ideas into profitable solutions, and what I still don't have is the motivation within me to complete any of them.

It's funny though, because then I look at my father. All of my life he's been working hard trying all sorts of business ideas. I could list ten off the top of my head. He is a carpenter by trade but has tried everything from running a stationary business to selling postcards with religious verses on them. He seems to be the opposite, he has lots of motivation, but he is a bad businessman. He rushes into ideas too quickly, creates poor or ill-conceived products, and fails. I on the other hand forge well-conceived, heavily researched products, and never do anything with them.

Finally, there's a growing part of me that says you have a beautiful wife, and a gorgeous son, a well paid job and a nice house, but in the end I just can't shake this overwhelming feeling that I'm meant to do more than this, I know I can do better I just can't find the incentive to do something about it, I just come here, tap away at something that helps me straighten out my thoughts, ready for tomorrow when they can get mixed up again.

I think a day will dawn when I get up, and I start typing and I don't stop until I'm finished, and once I've done that, I'll be able to do anything. (Maybe even go on a diet )

• Life

Comments

• P.S., posted by MattIf anyone has any suggestions I'd be glad to hear them.

Add a comment