Matthew Knott

I was one of many people surprised and saddened to hear that Gary Speed committed suicide yesterday. The worst thing for me, and I'm sure for many others, is that someone with success, money, and most importantly a loving family, the things that many depression sufferers perceive as answers to their problems, could take his own life.

I don't know if the reasons behind his suicide will come out, but if depression was the cause then for me it's a bit of a wakeup call.

Whatever his reasons, shortly before Gary committed suicide, fellow footballer Stan Collymore wrote a really fantastic post about his personal battle with depression.

Stan is a seemingly polar opposite to Gary, both footballers but perhaps Stan, the better footballer, was more notorious for his off-field actions, whereas the bulk of what people know about Gary Speed was derived from his work ethic and leadership. However they both shared much, wealth, a family and success. 

Gary's suicide, coupled with Stan's amazingly open and honest post about what he's going through put me in a thoughtful mood about the way I feel. I've never been diagnosed as depressed or as having any other mental health issue, but that's because you actually have to go see a doctor for any diagnosis to be conducted. In myself I suppose I've always denied that I might be depressed or suffering from some type of depression which, if I'm honest, is a disease I have a terrible understanding of.

Reading through Stan's post I saw a number of things he was feeling that I also felt, it was strangely comforting, possibly perversely so, to see theses emotions and mental challenges summed up together by someone. I've got a lot of respect for Stan for his honest writing and his effort to raise awareness of mental health issues. I was sad to see people dragging up things from his past as reasons to criticize those praising his action, but I wouldn't be surprised if his depression stemmed in part from his personality flaws. I know I get terribly down about my temper and other things I don't like about myself.

What Stan wrote could save lives so educate yourselves and read the mans post. Good on you Stan.

Rest in peace Gary