Are We Sitting ComfortablyPosted on Saturday, 07 September 2013 17:16
Sometimes, you need to stop burying your head in the sand and open up about what's on your mind. Aparently it can even save your life.
Look up self-deprecation in google, or better still look at this page. This is my life, every day. I didn't have the best childhood, and had some pretty horrific experiences growing up, but I've turned out the way I am.
For example, whenever I do something to be proud of, I am, for a moment, and then doubts creep in, worries. In spite of all that I've achieved over the years I feel like some imposter who at any moment will slip up and be unmasked. That is a genuine fear.
Another way the manifests itself with me is that I think about something positive, a new app, a good idea, and then as soon as I write it down the positive turns negative; reasons it will fail, similar ideas already out there and more successful that you'll ever be. This is me... hi.
Writing this blog is one way I try to help myself, but over the last few months I've tried to make other changes, and things are starting to come together for me. One thing I've always wanted to do, and could do, is write a book. I've written at length on here about a novel I'm writing, but I also wanted to write technical references.
Here's where self deprecation comes in. I pick up any of the books on my shelf and look at the About the Author page, and all I see is some unachievable dream, and then the walls get closer together. There on the paper is a professor, or a guy who's reached the ceilings of success in his field, or made a million dollars on the app store. While I admire and would aspire to be any one of those, I'm not. For whatever reason I'm weighed down with insecurities.
A couple of weeks back, I decided I'm none of those guys, but so are a lot of other people who have a passion for technology, and really, really good at what they do, but don't have the confidence to do something about it. So I'm going to do something about it, and the wheels are in motion on what will hopefully result in me writing a technical book over the next three months.
I won't go into the details, but I'm looking forward to it, and I'm determined that in my book the About the Author page won't be a fairytale where I look to reel of credential after credential, I want to say "Hey, I'm a normal guy who spent years tinkering with computers and code and over the years got good at it. I work a regular job, I'm not a lauded member of any community and I've not had any major success, but I know what I'm talking about (in the context of this book) so let me share what I know".
It's going to be scary, I know. I may never be able to look at Amazon ever again for fear of seeing a negative review, but I will look, and I'll take on board the criticism and do better next time.