Matthew Knott

Motivation comes easily to me. It goes just as easily as well. I can remember projects dating back to the age of 10 or 12 that I've started and given up on very quickly.

Even back then, these were programming projects, writing silly little games on my ZX Spectrum that I'd show off proudly to my mother. I had a book of code for the spectrum that I'd plug away at for a few pages then get bored because you couldn't just run it periodically to see what was going on.

Aside from programming I've started writing about 20 novels, good ideas too, fascinating expansive ideas that people have found interesting when I described the premise. I was excited that they got excited about it, and I was so enthused so I'd plan and plan my story, characters, plot, ending, do hours of scientific research, and I'd start writing like a madman... for about 5 pages then I'd get bored, move on to something else.

Almost naively, I thought that when the baby came, then things would be different, I'd have something to hold my motivation, to anchor me to a project that would generate some significant revenue and allow us to move not just to any house but to somewhere really nice. I mean, people say they want the best for their kids, and I'm no different. I want to be able to give Michael everything, but not necessarily give him everything, I want him to understand the value of money. I want Lisa to be able to stay home all day and not worry about money and be able to relax.

The worst part about all of this is that I have the ideas and the skills to turn those ideas into profitable solutions, and what I still don't have is the motivation within me to complete any of them.

It's funny though, because then I look at my father. All of my life he's been working hard trying all sorts of business ideas. I could list ten off the top of my head. He is a carpenter by trade but has tried everything from running a stationary business to selling postcards with religious verses on them. He seems to be the opposite, he has lots of motivation, but he is a bad businessman. He rushes into ideas too quickly, creates poor or ill-conceived products, and fails. I on the other hand forge well-conceived, heavily researched products, and never do anything with them.

Finally, there's a growing part of me that says you have a beautiful wife, and a gorgeous son, a well paid job and a nice house, but in the end I just can't shake this overwhelming feeling that I'm meant to do more than this, I know I can do better I just can't find the incentive to do something about it, I just come here, tap away at something that helps me straighten out my thoughts, ready for tomorrow when they can get mixed up again.

I think a day will dawn when I get up, and I start typing and I don't stop until I'm finished, and once I've done that, I'll be able to do anything. (Maybe even go on a diet )

Tags: Work Projects Family Motivation Ideas Dreams Emotions Drive Incentive

I can't believe it's been two weeks since Michael was born. It's flown by, and already he's changed so much.

All babies loose weight after birth. Michael went down from 7.4 to 6.8, but 2 weeks on has regained that weight and filled out a lot, getting a small belly. He's also become more alert, holding our gaze and looking towards us when we talk. He can also roll onto his side already which is impressive. In the last few days he's started to learn about kicking. When he's in the bath we put his feet against the end of the bath and he'll push himself to the other end. After initially hating the bath it's now his favourite thing, and will usually scream when he comes out.

Becoming a parent for the first time has been a strange experience. I day dream about him running around playing with his toys but can't quite believe it's going to happen. It's also hard getting used to the fact that you can't just sit down and play on the computer when you want, and it's hard to program holding a baby. I might have better luck with the harness though.

It's really strange having everything you've ever wanted, and probably why I still can't quite believe it.

Tags: Baby Michael Family Parenting Fatherhood

After 9 months of seemingly unending waiting, Michael finally arrived at 07:28, Tuesday 15th April 2008, weighing 7 pounds, 4 ounces.

The Start

Labour began in earnest at 1:45 A.M, with contractions every 20 minutes or so. We rang Lisa's mother and she was there by 3 A.M. The contractions were now every 10 minutes or so apart. We rang the hospital, but because there was no-one from our birth team on duty, the midwife advise us to stay at home.

At 4 A.M Lisa's water broke with a pop, then the contractions were coming every 4-5 minutes. At 4:30 A.M we arrived at the hospital. Lisa was 3 cm dilated, it was just a matter of waiting now. 

The End

As it happened we didn't have to wait long. By 6:30 she was on the gas and air, in a lot of pain. At 7:00 she got onto the bed on all fours, and at 7:28 he came out in what was a pretty easy birth all things considered.

Michael was here, all wrinkly and gorgeous. I let Lisa's mother cut the cord, she was dying to do it :)

There were no problems and everything was perfect. As an indication of how well it went, but 9:30 Lisa was showered, and dressed ready to come home. Michael had his vitamin K injection and took it well, no crying. Any hopes of coming home early were snuffed out because he wasn't very hungry.

The waiting game

We went onto the ward and waited for him to have a feed. This proved more difficult than we thought. When he did have a feed he wasn't sucking very strongly, so the midwives were concerned incase he wasn't eating properly.

When he was feeding we couldn't find a midwife and when we did he'd stop. Eventually, at around 8pm, we finally got him to feed in front of a midwife and were free to come home.

We all slept like a log that night, until Michael woke us up at 2 a.m. Wednesday morning, but he's so gorgeous he can wake me up all he wants.

Tags: Baby Pregnancy Michael Birth Family Happiness Born