Matthew Knott

Anyone who leaves a job after 8 years and thinks they can make a clean break emotionally is either kidding themselves or they have a heart of stone.

I was the former type. I thought that leaving would be hard yes but the new job would be full of adventure and new, exciting challenges. One week on I've come down to earth with, not so much as a bang, more like a ten megaton nuclear detonation.

I've diagnosed myself with job sickness. Symptoms are:

 

• Constant moaning to loved ones about how hard the new job is
• Depression caused by an unfamiliar environment.
• Freaking out because you've gone from the top of your game to the bottom

It's been an up and down week emotionally, Mid-week I started to seriously freak-out, what had I done? I even made enquiries about the chances of going back to IBM, albeit half-hartedly. Since then my emotions have continued to shake about.

I think beyond missing my former colleagues like mad, I've gone from being a respected (Ego detected, warning warning) web developer, to being a new guy, forced into learning .net and sharepoint in a short space of time, and initially not being very good at it.

The only redeaming features I think I managed to exhibit this week was helping one of my new coleagues with some mysql questions, and helping someone else resolve an issue with CDO mail sending under Windows 2003.

I think I'm resolved to do a good job ultimately, and realise that I do need to train, and it will take some time before I get to a decent standard, I just need to think more about what I'm doing, and get some damn sleep :)

Tags: Work Leaving Job New .net mysql Problems Sick Fear Uncertainty Lonliness

Friday, 9th May 2008 was my last day as an IBMer. The day was an end to a 4 year career, and 8 years at Matrix Court.

It's very strange leaving behind friends and faces that I've known for such a long time, but I have to move on for the sake of my sanity.

The work had become stale and repetitive, causing more monotony than any sense of satisfaction.

I'm starting to think of this more as a Job Obituary.

NTL / IBM  June 2000 - 2008

I started as a Technical Support rep for ntl:, assisting customers with their dial-up Internet problems. I was able to lend some help to a team developing the next-generation or support tools after just a month in the business, but it would be over a year until I would do so again. In 2001 I was seconded into a development team as a web developer and there I would stay until I left.

September of 2004 was an exciting time. I was married on the 4th and outsourced to IBM on the 6th. It was an uncertain time, mainly fear of the unknown big blue. My fears turned out to be unfounded and I reveled in the openness of information and the training available. It was a relationship that would be tested numerous times. Despite falling in and out of love with developing for IBM on a number of occasions because of the red tape and the poor quality of projects I was being handed, I managed to flourish, getting involved with cross account best practice sharing, career development and assisting in other IBM outsource projects.

Whenever I could get my teeth into something outside of the Virgin Media contract, it was like Christmas. In VM, people are used to having a fast turn-around on projects, to a high degree of quality, for many outside of the contract though, meeting a team that said "yes, we can help with that" was refreshing. I once heard the term "Tiger Team" described as a team that could operate outside of the usual red tape, and just go in analyze and resolve problems with technology. Well, when outside of the VM contract this is pretty much what I was, I was given a problem, and I solved it quickly using web-based applications. The thing you enjoy most about this is almost being adored, you do one thing quickly and well, and people get this contageous enthusiasm for improving the business. The problem is that eventually, you fix the bulk of problems that can be solved in this manner, and before you know it you're being given 3 month, 6 month projects, which really doesn't interest me. To quote another buzz word, I was into "Hit and fade" tactics. I'm sure if I'd stayed longer I'd have been used more and more in this manner. Indeed I had to turn down a trip to Poland because I was leaving.

The problem was that between these quick fixes was the 3-6 month projects I was being handed in VM, that no-one cared if you went past the due-date on. In the end, I think this is the reason I decided to leave, no one cared what I did day to day. I could have done nothing for two weeks and no one would have noticed. I can't work on something that is given to me if they, or my manager do not care if it gets done or not.  

Ironically I move onto what may be the longest single project I've ever worked on, although it will be on an ongoing basis, but this is different. This time I'm able to direct the environment as I see fit, I'm not stuck in someone elses coding conventions, or templates, and ultimately I will be answerable for any delay in progress, and people will be paying attention to my progress in the new job, which I'm not worried about at all.

So thank you IBM, I will miss you, you are a great employer, and I may regret this for a long time, but I've got to be brave and try to improve my situation, rather than coasting along in a very comfortable job.

Tags: IBM NTL: VirginMedia Leaving Job